Thursday, October 20, 2011

Here We Go Again!

We are about to head down the "two week increment" road again! Most (well those on the infertility road) know that when trying to get pregnant we live our lives in 2 week increments.

Week one our very unwelcome friend Aunt Flow shows up for an unwanted visit. We let her know how unwelcome she is by letting our anger show, crying our hearts out, eating whatever sweet or carb filled snack we desire, until finally we accept her rude interruption on our life and start looking forward to the next cycle. This process usually takes 3 -4 days depending on what our methods of trying for the next cycle are. During week one if there will be fertility meds used they are started this week. (for most)

Week 2 with fertility meds done (much to the delight of our loving supportive husbands) we head in to the "trying part" If taking meds the monthly follicle check is scheduled and we wait in prayer and anticipation to see what will pop up on the ultrasound machine! (come on ovaries) Yes we pray for our ovaries. If all goes according to plan then a wonderful trigger shot is given in the hip and we are sent home with careful instructions for our iui the next day!

Thus begins week 3! If getting an iui then we find ourselves back at the doctors office with a book in hand and wait. Waiting and IF go hand in hand. IFer's are waiting pros! After the 30 min wait we head to the iui room stare at the ceiling and try to actually hear what the doctor is saying. Did he just ask me ?????? Then comes the fun fun part where they lift the table until your head is almost on the floor and you are asked to not move, just read a book and they'll come get you in a little while. After they come get you, you are allowed to go home with instructions to not do such and such and please do such and such. The rest of week three usually goes by without too much stress but the 2 week waiting part just started!

Week 4 is a bundle of emotions hand delivered to our hearts. We go from what if to what if not. We analyze every twinge, every cramp. We wonder is it too early to test. The the day comes when we know its ok to test but hey maybe we should wait another day or two or maybe just not test at all and see if Aunt Flow shows up. If they are like me and have to get blood work done as soon as possible and start progestrone supplements then the fear of "I have to know, I have no choice. if there is a baby then I have to protect it" sets in. Some will test and get the dfreadful big fat negative but spend the rest of waiting for af to show thinking "well it's not over until af gets here" Some will retest every day, praying they just tested too soon and some will be right. Some thankfully will see their awaited 2 lines and cry with joy and relief and run to show their husbands.

If the big fat negative was the one to stick then the cycle starts again.

I must mention that not all fertility treatments go this way. Every couple faces different paths and options each month. This post is based off my past experiences. Mostly me trying to lighten my mood as we head once again into the unknown of TTC. We've had 5 months now of waiting, being on hold, more medical issues and now we are finally here again. I know I am ready to begin this journey again (not that I have really left) and see where God will take us this time. I pray for a blessing, one that will come home in our arms and not our hearts. BUT I know all too well that a pregnancy does not equal baby so I will try to begin this journey with a mind on Him and not what if. I will try my hardest to focus on His plan, His love and to accept what comes each day.

I am human and will fail at times, I may cry but I will laugh also! Most important I will try to learn from whatever He brings.

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