As I grieve the loss of 3 son's and struggle through month after month of infertility I am saddened that one by one the people in my life have slowly dropped out of the group of supportive, understanding loved ones. As each of our siblings and friends have gotten pregnant and moved on to the new level of growing their families, mine and Tyler's sorrow has been put aside. All of a sudden they don't understand anymore why we can't bounce for joy and call to chat about pregnancy. I don't blame others for moving on, celebrating their new additions and rejoicing over newfound joy. What hurts me is the expectations that are put on us to be right there with them.
The fact is for those going through infertility pregnancy announcements just sting. They hurt. Period. We can not control our sorrow anymore then they can control their joy. We need time to absorb the news, time to collect ourselves before we give a heartfelt congrats. For some we may never get beyond anything then that "congrats." Most people going through infertility will tell you that in their hearts they are happy for others who so easily get pregnant but it deepens the sadness for us that can't.
It hurts to sit on the sidelines watching everyone around us living out our dreams while we sit with empty hearts and arms. It hurts to put on a fake smile and go to gatherings and pretend we're ok. It hurts to watch everyone passing around a newborn while feeling your heart burst at missing the angels that left us too soon. It hurts to sit in a crowd all talking about so and so's pregnancy and not be able to join in.
The past few days I have been leaning on 1 Thessalonians 2:4 Our job is not in pleasing people but in pleasing God. He alone knows our hearts.
I must remind myself over and over that I can not please everyone. If i've learned anything during these past 4 years it's that there will always be someone who doesn't approve of how I handle things. If I try to please everyone I only add to my heartache. My purpose is to please God who knows my heart. He alone understands my grief and my joy. As long as I am doing what He wishes me to then i'm doing great. I don't mean that it's ok to be rude to others in our grief. Of course we need to be polite and not harden our hearts but we are allowed to take our time through it.